Easter Sunday - Today at Mass, the Priest spoke about how one must first die to one's old and bad habits in order to be able to rise from the tombs of darkness we have created. Perhaps, it is with that reflection that I have come back to this place of reassessing my life.
Hello, my name is Lara, and this blog is an attempt to document my journey towards creating MY best life. It is intended to be a personal journal for myself - a way of documenting my growth and putting the thoughts that invade my mind down someplace. But it is also intended, hopefully, to perhaps serve someone else out there like me, who needs a kinship with someone who is trying to get her shit together.
For the past couple of years, I have felt like I have been spinning my wheels. It is true that on some level, I have enjoyed my life, and on some other level, I have suffered some great pains and disappointments, the most recent being the death of the only grandparent I ever knew, and the death of an engagement to a man I now realize, I never knew. Through it all, and actually ever since I was a child, I have felt a calling towards something higher, something more than what I allow myself on a daily basis. With a lot of self-reflection, and a return to seeking a more spiritually centered life, I am now, for once, ready to face my crap and do the work to be rid of it. In other words, I have grown both bored and tired of my own excuses.
My crap is legion, but it most manifests itself in about 100 pounds of excess fat I carry on my poor, aching frame. It manifests as clutter in my home I try to clean but which appears to be like a malignant tumor: always splitting cells and creating a larger mass. It manifests in my lack of motivation to grow out of a job that I've been told by several I'm overqualified for. I have been existing, but I have not been truly living.
At the beginning of 2012, I decreed this my year to live in color. I went about this at first looking for external ways to demonstrate this mantra. I painted my home bright colors of teal, lavender and gold. I bought bright eyeshadow, lipsticks and jewelry. While these materially tangible things have provided some momentary excitement, there is still that nagging voice that says "What else is there? There has to be MORE to life than THIS!"
What that MORE is, I don't know, but I know that finding it requires that I start cutting my crap. It means that I need to find ways to make my life flow better; it means I need to continue to embrace and really dive head first into adopting a healthy lifestyle. It means I need to do better forging relationships and stop hiding behind the brightly colored walls of my home in solitude.
This blog will deal heavily(no pun intended) with my attempts at losing fat and getting healthy, as well as ways I try to create the life I want. I hope to document honestly my triumphs and tribulations and hopefully to come out of this a better person than I started.
Amen.
Lara.
